New career

February 6, 2010 § Leave a comment

When I was . . . er . . . younger, Hallmark cards were the way to show people you cared. Nowadays, you’re lucky if you get an “Oktnxby.” Here’s my Top Ten List of Lines I Should Have Submitted to Hallmark:

10. I wish you were here . . .
But I’m having my period so I’ll see you on Tuesday instead.

9. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful . . .
than the look of surprise on your face when I said it’s over.

8. You’ll always have a special spot in my heart . . .
that’s why I’m getting a transplant soon.

7. From the moment I saw you . . .
all I could think of was getting away from you.

6. I’m sorry . . .
I didn’t sneak out of bed and left you sooner.

5. For the special person in my life . . .
a gift certificate to an institution of your choice.

4. How much do I love you?
You’re the last one on my list of people I want to kill.

3. I miss you . . .
but I know I could always visit you where I’ve buried you under the house.

2. I’m thinking about you . . .
and the many ways I could cover up your murder.

1. Can’t wait to see you again . . .


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