5am in the House of Zen

April 25, 2010 § Leave a comment

So I’m back in the Sand Globe. Technically, I was back on the 12th but after an entire day trying to get proper service and answers from service people over the phone and some 6 hours trying to get some sleep, I can say I am really back. Oh, all right. I was already anxious when I tried to go to bed. My past (and present) inability to handle financial matters is coming to bite me in the ass (which was what all the calls were all about). And in the Sand Globe, money matters are quite easy: you give away your money and don’t expect to receive any. What bothers me about this whole thing is that more and more lately, I’ve been defaulting to emo mode when something comes up. I’ve caught myself in self pitying moments, imagining things would be so much easier if I had someone to share my burdens with. I know for a fact that isn’t true. Having a partner could very well make things even worse, at least for me, since I’m just that kind of fool who will worry about the other person first. But still, in the middle of night, when some fear in my heart keeps me awake and tossing about in bed, I wonder if things would at least be more bearable (or at the very least, allow me some uninterrupted sleep) if someone would just hold me and say everything’s going to be fine – I’m going to be fine.

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