No turning back now

June 26, 2010 § Leave a comment

I finally stopped procrastinating and sold most of my stuff today. I’m leaving behind most of what was my life in the Sand Globe and taking only the small things I’d like to remember it by. There’s still quite a bit left to pack and dispose of, but mostly, I’m ready to go. Most people think I’m just taking a break and that before I know it, I’ll be back here. But I know deep inside this is not the case. I know I’m going for good. Which brings me to the reason for this post. I’ve thought long and hard about it, and I’m pretty sure I won’t miss the Sand Globe at all. Not its heat, its dust, the taxi drivers who always piss me off in some way, not even the various nationalities who always insist on talking to me in their own language. I will, however, miss the friends I’ve made here. Most of all, I’d miss Prince Alarming. I’ve set him aside for some time now, believing that in order for the universe to send me Mr. Right, I needed to get rid of Mr. Oh So Wrong. In the past few weeks, I’ve been thinking about making the most of my last few days here and saying goodbye to people properly for once in my life. If I’m going to start a new life, then ending this one in the right way is the best place to start. So I’ve sent out an olive branch to Prince Alarming. And to be fair to him, he tried, despite his misgivings. Today we finally decided to leave things as they were. Him in his corner and I in mine. I understand. Trust me I do. I feel like we’ve been working our way to this place for so long that there are no tears or regrets left. But somehow, after talking to him, I remembered Orpheus here. Going to great lengths to bring back Eurydice from the Underworld, he loses her just as they reach Earth. He was told not to look back but in his anxiety, wanting to assure himself that she was there behind him, he looks back and loses her forever. Had I just left things the way they were, I could have happily gone my way and not look back. But I had to dig up a few skeletons and now I will always know that it was I who had screwed things up. But it’s all good, right? I’m leaving in a few days and I’ll be leaving all this behind. I just wish that in the back of my mind there wasn’t this nagging thought that I could have handled things better.

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