January 12, 2011 § Leave a comment
I’m more pissed than I thought. The last rant did not work at all and I’m still really mad. Dear You, GEDDEMMIT so much and fuck you!
January 12, 2011 § Leave a comment
This has been my mantra since I heard it at the end of a movie called Heaven and Earth. This was about fifteen years ago or so when my temper was admittedly even worse than it is now. Being a self-proclaimed writer, I’ve always been more sensitive to what people say than most. Words for me have the power to either uplift or maim, depending on the context in which they are spoken. A lot of people have done me wrong in the past, but I’ve always found it more difficult to forgive someone who’s said something to me that I did not like. I’ve burned lots of bridges in this way. I try not to take everything so personally, especially perceived wrongs. But my intuition has served me well over the years, and it’s rarely been any less than dead-on. I’ve learned to trust it, which can be very difficult if it means being disappointed in something or someone, especially someone. I count my blessings every day, and one of the things I’ve been very thankful for is having great friends who go the extra mile for me. So in times like now, when someone I thought was a good friend has failed me beyond belief, I find myself at a loss, just downright paralyzed into inaction. My first instinct is always to rant and rave at that person, but then being the vindictive bitch I am, I find my silences are generally more uncomfortable and effective at bringing someone down to their knees. But me being me, I’m used to being the understanding one, the one willing to forgive and forget just so friendships are maintained and peace reigns. But there just comes a point when even I can say “Fuck it.” I will get over this soon and all will be right in my world again, maybe after a few thousand repetitions of my mantra and having less idle time on my hands. But right now I’m enjoying the stewing in my own anger, the plotting of someone’s downfall, and the liberating feeling you get just before telling someone to fuck off that now you don’t have to be the nice, diplomatic one any longer. You can be the blowtorch wielding bitch who’s going to make sure all traces of that bridge are blown to a million-billion pieces.
July 26, 2010 § Leave a comment
I don’t deal with disappointments well. This affects everything in my life, from seeking out relationships to choosing where to go for dinner tonight. Of late, I’ve managed to control my temper to such an extent that I’ve fooled lots of people into thinking I’m quite Zen. I’ll let you in on a secret: that’s only because I’ve managed to avoid disappointments as much as I can. That includes not making any plans whatsoever especially if it involves other people. Well this month hasn’t gone too well for me. I got bad news after bad news after bad news and there’s no end yet in sight. My most important plans have dissolved like salt in water and I’m about to go on a major, major rampage. Not wanting to end up in some isolated prison in the Sand Globe in my last few days here, I’ve opted out for the easiest and best option: canceled all my plans except for the ones I’ve had to pay for and book in advance: namely, my plane tickets. So, I’m off at exactly 00:50 on Friday morning. Where and what happens next and with whom I leave entirely now up to The Fates, dem bitches.
July 19, 2010 § Leave a comment
This is for the future, happier me. I hope by the time she reads this she’d have forgotten what happened today, only that it did get her angry enough to wish harm on another living organism. This is so she never forgets who she is, just what hardcore stuff she’s made of and exactly what she’s capable of. Always remember that anyone who thinks you’re not worthy of their time is not worth yours. You deserve, and always will, so much better.
March 8, 2010 § Leave a comment
Dear Darth Vader,
I hate you. From the tips of my hair to the soles of my feet, I hate you. I got so close just now to shouting and dancing for joy for the very first time in my life. Demmit. I came to your office already mapping out my action plan for disposing of everything in my life that was the Sand Globe, only for you to hand me a new brief and tell me to take one for the team. Fuck you, Darth Vader, for getting my hopes up for nothing. My offer still stands. Eat shit and die.
Your helmet could use a little Windex.
March 6, 2010 § Leave a comment
I want it to be Friday already. I want to close my eyes and reopen them to find out that the entire ugly week has passed. I don’t want to see any briefs. I don’t want to hear the next stupid thing my favorite Drone is going to say. I don’t want to be drawn into the mass of steaming, rotting crap that is the so-called non-politics of the Nuclear Reactor. I want to be home right this instant, eating my mama’s food while surrounded by real people, real friends. I don’t even want to sleep. I worry that when I wake up, I still have to go through the motions of sanity at NR when all I really want to do is shout at the top of my lungs, “So long, suckers. I wish I could say I’ll miss you but I might be everything else but I’m no liar.”