Where broken needles are laid to rest

February 1, 2012 § 2 Comments

In everything you do, you have to be able to rely on the equipment you use to do what you do well. As you go along, some tools become trusted friends, the ones you always take out of the box because you know they will do the job. There’s nothing more devastating than breaking a needle (aside from the crazy-ass sound the sewing machine makes as if it’s about to explode in your face) and I never know whether to throw it away or put it up on a memorial and write “You saw me through very tough canvas”. This past month saw the gruesome (and very unjust) decapitation of my stitch ripper, the death of three no.14 needles, and the fatal injuring of numerous pins. I was very happy, then, to catch some Craft Gossip and learn from Susan Elliot that those crazy-lovely Japanese have a festival coming up in honor of broken needles and other craftsman’s tools. And it’s happening soon! Read more about Hari-Kuyo here.

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Wow

January 12, 2011 § Leave a comment

I’m more pissed than I thought. The last rant did not work at all and I’m still really mad. Dear You, GEDDEMMIT so much and fuck you!

Accept that which you cannot change, let go of that which you can no longer hold

January 12, 2011 § Leave a comment

This has been my mantra since I heard it at the end of a movie called Heaven and Earth. This was about fifteen years ago or so when my temper was admittedly even worse than it is now. Being a self-proclaimed writer, I’ve always been more sensitive to what people say than most. Words for me have the power to either uplift or maim, depending on the context in which they are spoken. A lot of people have done me wrong in the past, but I’ve always found it more difficult to forgive someone who’s said something to me that I did not like. I’ve burned lots of bridges in this way. I try not to take everything so personally, especially perceived wrongs. But my intuition has served me well over the years, and it’s rarely been any less than dead-on. I’ve learned to trust it, which can be very difficult if it means being disappointed in something or someone, especially someone. I count my blessings every day, and one of the things I’ve been very thankful for is having great friends who go the extra mile for me. So in times like now, when someone I thought was a good friend has failed me beyond belief, I find myself at a loss, just downright paralyzed into inaction. My first instinct is always to rant and rave at that person, but then being the vindictive bitch I am, I find my silences are generally more uncomfortable and effective at bringing someone down to their knees. But me being me, I’m used to being the understanding one, the one willing to forgive and forget just so friendships are maintained and peace reigns. But there just comes a point when even I can say “Fuck it.” I will get over this soon and all will be right in my world again, maybe after a few thousand repetitions of my mantra and having less idle time on my hands. But right now I’m enjoying the stewing in my own anger, the plotting of someone’s downfall, and the liberating feeling you get just before telling someone to fuck off that now you don’t have to be the nice, diplomatic one any longer. You can be the blowtorch wielding bitch who’s going to make sure all traces of that bridge are blown to a million-billion pieces.  

Too litte, too late

August 17, 2010 § Leave a comment

I thought all I needed from you was an apology and some sign that you do think of me. Now that I’ve gotten both, I realize that it’s still not enough.

Someone please shoot that monkey

July 26, 2010 § Leave a comment

I don’t deal with disappointments well. This affects everything in my life, from seeking out relationships to choosing where to go for dinner tonight. Of late, I’ve managed to control my temper to such an extent that I’ve fooled lots of people into thinking I’m quite Zen. I’ll let you in on a secret: that’s only because I’ve managed to avoid disappointments as much as I can. That includes not making any plans whatsoever especially if it involves other people. Well this month hasn’t gone too well for me. I got bad news after bad news after bad news and there’s no end yet in sight. My most important plans have dissolved like salt in water and I’m about to go on a major, major rampage. Not wanting to end up in some isolated prison in the Sand Globe in my last few days here, I’ve opted out for the easiest and best option: canceled all my plans except for the ones I’ve had to pay for and book in advance: namely, my plane tickets. So, I’m off at exactly 00:50 on Friday morning. Where and what happens next and with whom I leave entirely now up to The Fates, dem bitches.

Fuck it

July 24, 2010 § Leave a comment

I miss you. And I’m not sorry for what I did, only for why I had to do it.

Note to self

July 19, 2010 § Leave a comment

This is for the future, happier me. I hope by the time she reads this she’d have forgotten what happened today, only that it did get her angry enough to wish harm on another living organism. This is so she never forgets who she is, just what hardcore stuff she’s made of and exactly what she’s capable of. Always remember that anyone who thinks you’re not worthy of their time is not worth yours. You deserve, and always will, so much better.

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