Don’t call me ungrateful

July 4, 2010 § 1 Comment

Today, I am thankful for a friend who keeps me company virtually by staying online even though he hates chatting 🙂

Parting shots

July 4, 2010 § 1 Comment

Dear Rhett,
I know I could say this to you directly but I don’t want to be the one to open that can of worms again so I’ll just say it here. I miss you. You were there at the lowest time in my life and made it somehow bearable. Now that I’m happy, I wish that you were part of it too but I understand only too well why you can’t be.
Always,
The door that shouldn’t have been opened 

Celebrating small victories

July 1, 2010 § 2 Comments

Rhett Butler and me have been at it for almost 7 months now. Weekly arguments, desperate make-up sessions and back to the cold shoulder every few days or so. Last Saturday, I think we both finally decided we’ve had enough. For a non-relationship, this sure had very real, relationship-like emotional turmoil. I finally told him that the only way we’d talk again is if he made the effort first. It’s been hard. How do you move on from 24/7 communication to nil in 5 days? Slowly. And with a lot of deep breaths. All mobile communication has stopped. And for two nights now, we’ve had an online staring contest, daring the other to make contact first. I don’t know whether he’s finding this as difficult as I have, but today, I realized that I have moved on somewhat. I still miss him and it would be nice to hear from him. But it no longer has the power to ruin my day if he doesn’t. I stared at the green dot next to his thumbnail for a full hour and knew I wasn’t going to do anything about it. And it made me smile. Somehow, in the last year I have fulfilled my promise to myself to start growing up. And this small thing felt like such a huge victory. Today, I didn’t hope, I knew that I’m going to be okay.

The send-off weekend

March 4, 2010 § 1 Comment

So here it is, the weekend me and my geographically challenged friend have been dreading. The triumvirate of ranters and social snobs is about to become a mere duet. We’ve been talking about this moment for the past few months with a mixture of fear, excitement and pretended apathy. Now that the inevitable farewells are just a few hours away though, I’ll just hope that the heartiness of my appetite will cover up the heaviness in my heart.

Whoever invented the word "goodbye" should be shot

March 2, 2010 § 1 Comment

The first words I ever type at the Nuclear Reactor are sent off to two very unlikely friends who’ve somehow kept in touch for the past 7 years. They could be funny words, most are just rants, but somehow it’s kept me sane knowing that there will be two people out there who were interested (somewhat) in a blow-by-blow account of my day. Today is the last day at work for one of them. Now, I don’t mean to say I’m not grateful the other one will still be there, but it just won’t be the same.

Zai jian

February 20, 2010 § 2 Comments

The Chinese have it right. There really is no goodbye among good friends, there’s only the hope of seeing them again soon. Two friends of mine are leaving the Sand Globe for good – one in less than 3 weeks, the other in about 3 months. Now, I’m not exactly the type to surround myself with people 24/7, but knowing that there are people close by who can hold my hand physically or virtually has always kept my demons at bay. I know I’m expected to act really cool and say, “Whatever, man. I’ll be seeing you around.” But right now, I just want to do my signature move of thrashing all over the floor and bawling my eyes out.

I just finished a CSI marathon and realized no one ever believes the suspect who says they were home alone when the crime happened. I had to still the urge to inform everyone on my speed dial where I was and what I was doing so I can leave some sort of trail the CSI can use to verify my statement. And that’s how this post came about. What will I do now and who will I call when I need a witness? I know this is just my fear of abandonment coming full force and rationally, I do know there is no way these people can shake me off. Still, there is something to be said about proximity. I like to keep my friends close. Maybe not exactly, room mate close. But at least in the same city.

So, to the two of you, I wish you well. Send me your addresses asap so I’ll know where to teleport myself next when my world just gets a bit too much and I need real people who know me and wouldn’t care if I’m just an inch shy of having a foot inside padded walls.

Friday, 10:30am

February 12, 2010 § 1 Comment


When your breakfast consists of enough food to feed a small Third World nation and beer, you know it’s going to be a good weekend 😉 Fuck Valentine’s. My Friday the 12th is looking so much better.

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