Bow your heads . . .

March 5, 2011 § Leave a comment

Lord, I do not know what your plan is for me. I do not know if I will be strong enough to do what you ask of me. I do not know if when the time comes, I will be willing to go down the path you have laid down for me. But, Lord, I am willing to be made willing.

Opt-ical illusions

February 27, 2011 § 1 Comment

I don’t want to overthink it, but today I woke up to find out I had slept through the night for the first time in weeks. It was disorienting, I stared at the clock for a very long time; but there you have it, I slept a little before 11:00 PM and woke up just a little after 8:00 AM. When I decided to fly back home last week, I promised myself it was time to stop waiting on people to do their bit, and that I was going to get off my ass and make options for myself. Today seemed as good a day as any to start on this and so I did. It’s surprising how many doors suddenly open up for you once you make a decision. So now I have option C and D. Easy enough, you might say, so just pick one. Unfortunately, I have my heart still set on option A. And though the opening through that door gets slimmer and slimmer by the day, I will not stop longing to get through it until the day it finally and completely shuts me out. 

There’s a new day dawning . . .

December 31, 2010 § Leave a comment

One of the things I remember most about my childhood is this “jingle” for Philippine Airlines. I remember it was from that time when the airline changed hands from government to private. At that time, this was cosmic change, one that everyone thought meant a better everything: service, flying times, food, etc. I loved the promise of this song, that every dawn was an opportunity for something new and exciting to come along. From the number of greetings on my Facebook wall, I am pretty sure I’m not the only one chomping at the bit to get 2010 out of the way and usher in 2011. It’s a bright, shiny new year, full of promise and what looks to be better times. I’ll have to bid 2010 a proper goodbye though, it was admittedly the strangest and toughest year for me. And now, on its last day, I can look back and thumb my nose at it.

10. There is no try, there is only do.
9. Stop complaining. If you want something badly enough, make it happen.
8. Getting up from doing things half-assed and falling on your fanny hurts now. Stop, look, listen, think before you act.
7. If you need help, ask. The worst that could happen is people will say no. And as you saw, most don’t.
6. Friends are indeed your lifeline. Be a better friend.
5. People can’t show you they care if they don’t know you need it. Speak up.
4. You are not expected to entertain people. Cry if that’s what you feel like doing.
3. There is a whole universe of things you can live without.
2. It only matters in the half hour that it’s happening in.
1. Your life is yours. Live it.


Is Dr. House in the house?

December 22, 2010 § Leave a comment

I love watching House, MD. Of course all the medical jargon go way, way over my head, but I’ve always liked being the spectator amidst people busy dealing with their own drama. If I’ve learned one thing from this show, it’s that things need to get worse for someone to figure out what the heck is going on and find the right solution. There are always two endings, either a death or a new lease on life; granted, it’s the latter more often that not, but the possibility of death is a constant and seems very real in all of the show’s 40 minutes.

So, the only point of this post is that right now, nothing has gone right for me and things have gone progressively wrong in an alarmingly short period of time. I choose to think of this as my House period, the storm before the calm. Universe, you better have a very, very good reason behind this shitstorm I’m facing right now because although I’m still laughing and able to function, inside me the disease continues to spread and rage undetected.   

An improvised life

October 31, 2010 § 1 Comment

The last three months have been a test of my resilience, strength of character, and ability to roll with the punches. While I’m truly grateful for the many blessings I have received at this time, I can’t help feeling a bit beaten up. In the comedy of errors that has been my life for the past five years, I could say this is the most insane situation I have found myself in yet. I’d like to convince the powers that be that I have learned lessons in humility, adaptation, patience, and gratitude the hard way and that I’d like the opportunity to apply what I’ve learned now. But I guess they’re not done pounding the lessons on my head yet and I shall just have to flex my muscles once more and try my best to deflect the blows.

This may not be a rant-y post, but it is surely one that’s close to defeat. Dear Universe, I remind you every minute of what I need right now. I’m sure, in your infinite wisdom, you will grant it when I need it most. I now just ask for one more tiny thing: the strength to get up once this storm completely blows over.

Current Status:

September 30, 2010 § Leave a comment

Scared shitless.

Stumble can be unnervingly accurate sometimes 2.1

August 18, 2010 § Leave a comment

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