Well, well, well . . .

October 24, 2011 § Leave a comment

So I’ve been practicing silence. No, not the “monks living in seclusion and never uttering a sound kind of silence”, just the “thinking before you speak” kind. And it helps that Twitter muzzles me to 140 characters or less. The best part is, as I’ve practiced silence, so have the voices in my head. They’re still there, waking me up at 4am and asking me what I’m doing with my life. But they’re no longer the constant nagging presence they once were. Sometimes I just wake up at 4am out of habit, wondering about the silence and then, blessedly, falling back to sleep. I guess this is it then. I’m finally on it, that elusive path to being okay.
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Time flees

September 26, 2011 § Leave a comment

I’ve been so caught up with getting through one day at a time that I almost missed the anniversary of my year of self-searching. So here we are today, a year older, maybe a bit wiser but admittedly still somewhat confused. Sometimes the chores of day-to-day survival distract us into thinking that THIS is what we’re meant to do. I’ve mapped out what I “need” to do for my sanity till 2013. But when it’s late at night, as I look around at all the silly projects I’ve set to counter my boredom at the tedium that has become my life of late, I realize that the question of what I am going to do, who I am going to be has still not been answered. So maybe it’s time I changed the question.

Moving forward, Returning to me

June 15, 2011 § 1 Comment

http://gabrielgadfly.com/poetry/why-i-hate-reading-maps
For some reason today I kept StumblingUpon beautiful poetry. And no, none of the pretentious Ezra Pound types, but ones from ee cummings and this one by Gabriel Gadfly, simple ones that talk about real insights into human behavior and emotions, the kind of poetry I had wanted to write . . . once. So today I am making myself a promise. I must once again fill a few notebooks (and this blog) with my stuff I write for myself and myself alone, not just my rants (as in this blog) but things that truly matter to me, like why I don’t write anymore . . . why there is no one I feel enough about to make me write anymore.

Stop whining, you ungrateful cow

June 14, 2011 § Leave a comment

This is a line I hear often from one of my dearest friends. Yes, you wonder what kind of friends I have, but there you have it. These people are good for me. I’ve heard this line so often from him that automatically when I hear my inner bitch start to whine I hear his voice in my head telling me this and inner bitch just shuts up. So today wasn’t a very good day for me as it started out with one huge disappointment but instead of whining about it I am instead going to list my Top Ten Things To Be Grateful For Right Now

10. I got the Awesome Cook genes from my mother. My packed lunch of spareribs and buttered corn was even better than anything I could order from Chilli’s.
9. I have mastered bus timings. I will never have to broil under the SandGlobe sun a minute longer than necessary for the bus to come by ever again.
8. My first radio ads for the new job were awesome.
7. I finally got through a pitch review with no cool ideas bombed.
6. I finally have family coming to see me in the SandGlobe. Yes, she’ll never get out of the airport but we’re trying not to whine here.
5. I am still too thin for my Thin Pants. Perfect excuse for dessert after every meal from now on.
4. I have finally tucked away my inflatable bed.
3. It’s a pitch week but I still get home by 7:00pm.
2. I got my Sheldon seat on the metro . . . at rush hour 😉
1. I am not miserable anymore. 

hello, hello

June 8, 2011 § Leave a comment

Dear me, we haven’t spoken in over two months. I know you have a lot on your mind, but just look back at what you’ve accomplished since getting back to the Sand Globe and be proud. Your getting where you want to be. Just hang in there for a bit longer.
Love,
Me

Current status:

March 24, 2011 § Leave a comment

Puke-y

My barbaric yawp

March 22, 2011 § Leave a comment

Every few minutes or so I have to stop what I’m doing and take deep breaths, because otherwise I’d be screaming my head off, punching walls, and kicking at the furniture. I’d let Edvard’s old friend here do all the screaming for me for all eternity since even if I do scream as loudly as I can, no one will ever hear me or do anything to ease my anger.

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