March 4, 2010 § Leave a comment
You are the biggest idiot on the planet. Thank you for wasting my time by forgetting to take our work with you to the presentation. I hope you eat shit and die. Right now would be nice.
February 15, 2010 § Leave a comment
Nuclear Reactor Drone: Hey, great job on that brief. I really liked what you did.
HormonaLEE: You know, your comment would have made my day if I valued your opinions.
February 14, 2010 § Leave a comment
Dear Darth Vader
Eat shit and die. Now.
February 10, 2010 § 1 Comment
To the citizens of the building supposedly of Zen:
No, there is no privacy to be had when you answer your phones or talk to (I’m assuming) people other than your respective spouses out in the hallway. The entire floor can hear you make illicit plans. Just so you know.
January 31, 2010 § Leave a comment
I just saw an old high school friend’s newest photo album on Facebook. In 91 pictures, she demonstrates what is lacking in my life (love, family, contentment, etc.) and makes me want things I cannot have (love, family, contentment, etc.). So I’ve decided to rant about my neighbor instead, since I’m better at complaining about things than doing anything to make them better. Here are the Top Ten Things I Would Tell My Neighbor in 609 if We Had Been Friends:
10. Cover your mouth when you sneeze.
9. If you can’t do No. 10, buy lots of disinfectant and spray regularly.
8. Please see a doctor. You’ve been sneezing on and off the entire four months we’ve been neighbors.
7. I play rock music at full volume when I’m pissed, which is most of the time. But I don’t do it at odd hours just to disturb you. No need to break out the Celine Dion as a counter attack.
6. Yay, you get calls at 2 in the morning. I just wish your phone ringing woke you up faster than it does me.
5. I’m slipping a gift certificate for a consultation with an ear doctor under your door. Your friends obviously need it. Otherwise you wouldn’t be shouting at them all the time.
4. Your bed springs squeak.
3. It can’t be good for that person to be knocking his/her head on your headboard every time.
2. Tell whoever it is who does the walk of shame from your place at 5:30am to please not slam the door behind her/him.
1. You’re getting some regularly – good for you. Just, please, keep it down. There are children on our floor now.
January 20, 2010 § Leave a comment
Dear Dr. Phil,
You are not the solution. You’re that annoying neighbor who likes to pry into things that don’t concern him and is not satisfied until all the worms have come crawling out of the can. And when all of those worms have formed one wriggling mass of ugliness for all the world to see, you simply call for a commercial break, pat the participants on the arm and say, “There, there.” Listening to you is like alternately rubbing salt and lemons on a wound. I actually loathe you so much I’m gonna get up now and change the channel. And right after that, I’m gonna call the cable company and rant at them for not replacing my faulty remote for 2 months now.