Wow

January 12, 2011 § Leave a comment

I’m more pissed than I thought. The last rant did not work at all and I’m still really mad. Dear You, GEDDEMMIT so much and fuck you!

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Accept that which you cannot change, let go of that which you can no longer hold

January 12, 2011 § Leave a comment

This has been my mantra since I heard it at the end of a movie called Heaven and Earth. This was about fifteen years ago or so when my temper was admittedly even worse than it is now. Being a self-proclaimed writer, I’ve always been more sensitive to what people say than most. Words for me have the power to either uplift or maim, depending on the context in which they are spoken. A lot of people have done me wrong in the past, but I’ve always found it more difficult to forgive someone who’s said something to me that I did not like. I’ve burned lots of bridges in this way. I try not to take everything so personally, especially perceived wrongs. But my intuition has served me well over the years, and it’s rarely been any less than dead-on. I’ve learned to trust it, which can be very difficult if it means being disappointed in something or someone, especially someone. I count my blessings every day, and one of the things I’ve been very thankful for is having great friends who go the extra mile for me. So in times like now, when someone I thought was a good friend has failed me beyond belief, I find myself at a loss, just downright paralyzed into inaction. My first instinct is always to rant and rave at that person, but then being the vindictive bitch I am, I find my silences are generally more uncomfortable and effective at bringing someone down to their knees. But me being me, I’m used to being the understanding one, the one willing to forgive and forget just so friendships are maintained and peace reigns. But there just comes a point when even I can say “Fuck it.” I will get over this soon and all will be right in my world again, maybe after a few thousand repetitions of my mantra and having less idle time on my hands. But right now I’m enjoying the stewing in my own anger, the plotting of someone’s downfall, and the liberating feeling you get just before telling someone to fuck off that now you don’t have to be the nice, diplomatic one any longer. You can be the blowtorch wielding bitch who’s going to make sure all traces of that bridge are blown to a million-billion pieces.  

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