February 6, 2010 § Leave a comment
When I was . . . er . . . younger, Hallmark cards were the way to show people you cared. Nowadays, you’re lucky if you get an “Oktnxby.” Here’s my Top Ten List of Lines I Should Have Submitted to Hallmark:
10. I wish you were here . . .
But I’m having my period so I’ll see you on Tuesday instead.
9. I’ve never seen anything more beautiful . . .
than the look of surprise on your face when I said it’s over.
8. You’ll always have a special spot in my heart . . .
that’s why I’m getting a transplant soon.
7. From the moment I saw you . . .
all I could think of was getting away from you.
6. I’m sorry . . .
I didn’t sneak out of bed and left you sooner.
5. For the special person in my life . . .
a gift certificate to an institution of your choice.
4. How much do I love you?
You’re the last one on my list of people I want to kill.
3. I miss you . . .
but I know I could always visit you where I’ve buried you under the house.
2. I’m thinking about you . . .
and the many ways I could cover up your murder.
1. Can’t wait to see you again . . .
February 5, 2010 § Leave a comment
It takes only about 10 minutes on the net for you to figure out that you’re not as original as you thought. Here’s my Top Ten List of Things I Always Knew about But Didn’t Have a Name for Till I Saw It on the Net:
10. Chocolate starfish
8. THAT high
7. Massive fail
6. Cum dumpster
5. Beer goggles
4. Greeting beej
3. Liquor dick
1. Period boobs
January 20, 2010 § 2 Comments
I’d be the first to admit that I go through life in a half assed way. I see something I like and I grab it, I’ll find a hankie to dry my tears later if things don’t work out. But I don’t regret it. It’s given me a lot of hard-earned lessons along the way such as this Top Ten List of Things I Love Separately But Should Never Be Enjoyed Together. Just don’t ask me how I found this out.
10. Beer and chocolate
9. Having a bubble bath after waxing
8. Vanilla ice cream and jagermeister
7. Eggs sunny-side up and peri-peri sauce
6. Having a huge burger before doing yoga
5. Having a burrito before sex
4. Cornflakes and condensed milk
3. Applying moisturizer to a just-threaded face
2. Texting and vodka
1. Bad boys and me
January 19, 2010 § Leave a comment
I’m a quiet person. Seriously, I am. I tend to keep my feelings to myself and just wait for things to blow over. This is a list of the Top Ten Things I Should Have Said when it still mattered.
10. No, I’m sure that would hurt.
9. That’s not doing anything for me.
8. You’re nowhere near my clit.
7. I know you’re cheating on me.
6. Surprise me.
5. Get your own dinner.
4. No, don’t want to listen to your dreams. I wanna go to sleep.
3. Find a job that pays the rent.
2. No, I’m not sacrificing my happiness for yours.
1. Don’t go.
January 19, 2010 § Leave a comment
These instructions came along with a shirt I bought in Manila. It came with a rubberized graphic of an adorable astronaut looking for space, which is kinda what I feel like saying to most people most of the time.
What struck me about these instructions was that someone actually took the effort to make them easy to follow, sensible and very amusing.
I wish my life came with such instructions. Imagine how much easier it would have been for me:
Do NOT make patol that guy, nakakahurt eh.
Do NOT, like start smoking yosis, it gets so kadiri eh.
When making decisions, make isip about it for a long time. Wag padalos dalos you, nakapaso eh. Hurt na naman you.
Do NOT think too much about things that don’t matter. Sayang lang your oras, and you can make use of that time productively pa. Like making sulat on this blog. People might even find insight from you pa.